Calm? Gone. Curiosity? Gone.
All of that is clouded over with fear. Proceeded by, embarrassment with an encore of fear. And then, a dose of pain. Sprinkle with some humiliation and Voila! That’s what happens when you trip, slip and Daddy wasn’t paying attention to react fast enough and keep your tiny hand squeezed in his grip.
Definitely ate a pile of dirt. Definitely going to have some bruises. Definitely needs a really big bear hug from Dad.
After a firm father-son embrace, Dad wipes off his son’s clothes, gives another tight squeeze, and continues walking, this time both paying closer attention.
I love how we learn lessons in life. So many times the hard way. I’m by no means a fan of churning my own butter just to prove it really comes from cows, but at some point, I want to know that some relationships are cause and effect. At some point, I want to know that if I do A, I can then assume that B, C and D will follow. But, you know what I am learning rather quickly in my early twenties? Life is NOT a causal relationship. There often is no order, rhyme or reason.
It’s not as though every time this boy drifts into thoughts of curiosity, he’s going to shortly afterwards experience pain and humiliation for his lack of focus on the now.
But, in a more ambiguous way, we tell ourselves that. The oh-so-logical, “I had ____ experience once, and then ____ happened to me. Surely, it must happen every time.” I know rationally and scientifically we would never state such cases. The sample size is too small; too many dependent variables to count; possibly, the relationship is simply correlated and hardly causal. But, nonetheless, our minds have a temptation to continually create a black and white structure to the patterns that surface.
I, admittedly, have a weak spot for relating my mental and emotional outlooks and attitudes directly on the effects I see in my real life. In layman’s, what I’m saying is, I tend to believe my internal motivations and intentions play a larger role in how opportunities lay out in my life than the actual actions that proceed them. I understand there are many great arguments against this, but none have registered with me quite yet.
I’m trying to use this as an example to pull this “1,2,3/ A,B,C / black and white” mentality that we are all drawn to under a different focus on the microscope.
It seems, that even when our life paths aren’t drawn out and the freedom to pave our own roads is there, we still try and structure it. Find logical reason in why things turn out the way they do.
Curious, isn’t it? I’m tempted to say it’s the fear. Fear of the unknown. Better the evil you know???
This constant desire to understand and foresee the future, starting from a scientific level with hypothesis and highly calculated predictions, to things as belief oriented as astrology and religion, creates a world of questions around why we do what we do.
Are all our actions manipulative? Meant to evoke a response? … I’ll save that tangent for another time.
I digress back to the little boy in the red jacket. We create silly ideas when we are children. Relate things to other things they shouldn’t be related to. Let say he fell again in that same red jacket. A few days later, his mother can’t figure out why her son won’t wear the red jacket anymore. Let’s say his father had gotten mad at him for not focusing on where he was walking when he fell. Would he be mad at himself for asking too many questions? For being curious? What would this child correlate his fall to?
What’s my point? What correlations and “life lessons” are we making about life (everyday) that stop us from wearing our red jacket? That keep us from asking questions about this world? From pursuing love? From making new friends? Forgiving old enemies? Facing an old issue? From eating sushi? What fear of the unknown, and what ridiculous desire to predict the future is keeping us set in our ways and stubborn to the reality that life just isn’t that easily calculated?