Goodbyes are hard...

There are definitely three parts of emotions that tie into this whole "moving to Africa" business. Most of the time they all collide at once which leaves me in this weird limbo that would almost seem apathetic except for the fact that I can't stop talking about the trip.

There is this overwhelming sadness about leaving my home and friends (who feel more like family) and all these goodbyes; they are so hard. One or two a day isn't so bad, but continually hugging and saying goodbye to 10 different people in a day that I don't know how long (if ever) it will be before I see them again, is really emotionally taxing. It makes for random out-bursts of sadness over things that normally wouldn't upset me so much. At least I'm aware of it...

Then there is this fear. I mean, I sold all my stuff, quit my job, and am moving to Africa. That's freakin' scary! I really have no idea what to expect. Things are comfy-cozy here and if I stayed I could, for the most part, predict where I wanted to be in the next few months at least. Traveling, is a whole different story. Everything will be new. I can't even imagine what life is going to look like in a month. But at the same time, I know in my heart I'm going to love and enjoy every minute of it...

Then comes the excitement... obviously. I can't wait to step off that airplane into what my Uncle describes as "an over-heated, crowed sauna" and spend months learning about things I never even new existed. The languages, the culture, the people, the relationships, reconnecting with God in a whole new setting and learning how to love with a whole new set of rules (or non-rules).
And of course, I'm really excited about those elephants.

But this last week I'm finding that the emotions aren't colliding like they used to. Instead of combining to become this one solitary, logical frame that I can handle very well, I'm just getting tossed back and forth between all three. Moving from so sad, the thought of hugging one more person Goodbye might make me teary eyed, to so scared I'm almost nauseas, then to so excited I have to call my Mom and tell her about everything just so I can talk to someone who isn't sick of me talking about going to Africa yet (even though she probably is, but loves me enough she'll just listen to my voice anyway).

Its a bloody roller coaster... so excuse me if I don't seem like myself.